The Root of Evil: My Attempted Murder

Wednesday. It was a muggy, grey evening. I’d settled down with a home-made juice, hoping to be a little healthier than usual. Before my turkey and chips. I was going to play some Deus Ex and then watch a film. And then my assailant struck! I was covered in red. I was vomiting red everywhere. I was dizzy and light-headed. I was dying!

Beetroot!

That or chard. Or tomato. Or one of the other 5 or so fruits and vegetables in the juice. But I think beetroot. It did, with malice aforethought, enter my person and try to induce anaphylactic shock.

It’s probably just as well it was a juice, as it was thrown back up quickly and easily, and the red colour let me pretend it was very serious. Even so, about 60% of my body became bright red and itchy, parts of my face swelled, I overheated, I threw up, the light-headedness required me to lie down on a nice cold floor, I threw up some more, I had to lie down again before I passed out, then I threw up some more. For just a few seconds, I felt tingling in my tongue and thought it was upgrading to full-blown anaphylaxis, but thankfully it went away and the hospital was unnecessary. I think I’d rather suffocate than go back there anyway.

So raw beetroot appears to be some form of Kryptonite. Sadly, I didn’t sleep well even after that, and wrote about six words in the entirety of the next day. So although I’m perfectly fine again, don’t let that stop you feeling very sorry for me. It makes me extremely glad not to have a peanut allergy, or something like that.

Anyway, I’m a writer, so it’s my duty to write about experiences like this, and if that leads to sympathy and hugs then that’s how it has to be.

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